The 5 most compromising poses for Lululemon’s defective yoga pants

Lululemon have themselves in a twist. The athletic apparel maker announced this week they are recalling a line of their yoga pants because the Luon material is too see-through. So to avert potential over-exposure, here are the 5 yoga poses that you should avoid at all costs while wearing Lululemon’s defective pants. (If you’re easily offended, now’s probably a good time to stop reading.)

5. Ananda Balasana (Happy Baby pose): In Ananda Balasana you’re safer than you think in your Lululemon defective yoga pants (LDYPs). With all other students supine, the primary exposure risk is your instructor. Sure, you think she’s flowing around the room, checking everyone’s posture, but she’s really on the lookout, like a hungry vulture, for defectively sheer yoga pants.

4. Ardha Uttanasana (Standing Half Forward Bend): Lululemon CEO Christine Day says performing a quick Ardha Uttanasana infront of the mirror or a close friend is the best way to test if your Lululemon yoga pants are defective. They might seem clandestinely black while standing upright, but the half forward bend will take these compromising pants to the next level.

3. Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog): Pushing your hips up and back is just a euphemism for maximally showing off your gluteus. You better hope your fellow yogis are keeping their spines straight and heads down, otherwise their eyes are going to be all over your prize.

2. Prasarita Padottanasana (Wide-Legged Forward Bend): Little known fact–the Prasarita Padottanasana is the baboon’s preferred method of displaying their genitals to potential suitors. LDYPs help facilitate this majestic mating ritual.

1. Halasana (Plow Pose): This is the epitome of exposure. It’s hard enough to support your weight on your shoulders, torso thrust full-hilt towards your face. It’s even tougher when everyone else is taking in the view of your upturned crack with higher than standard resolution.

People have been seeing semi-sheer yoga pants for years and haven’t said a thing. It seems crazy for Lululemon to put themselves into such a compromising position over it.

You should check out “Lost in translation,” our post on why having a pronounceable and spell-able name matters less than you think.