Return of the Return of the Return of the Jedi: George Lucas abuses The Force again
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, George Lucas decided he was going to milk the Star Wars franchise for everything it had.
What used to be pop culture’s sacred cow, a cinematic fantasy that nourished the geek in all of us for decades, has now become an emaciated cheese-machine in an expensive dress. The classic light-saber saga has undergone yet another “upgrade” for the release of Star Wars: The Complete Saga on Blu-Ray, which is packed with 40 hours of extras, including bonus scenes, new documentaries, featurettes and, presumably, an autographed picture of Lucas diving into a swimming pool full of gold coins, a la Scrooge McDuck.
But the new Blu-Ray editions feature more than just extra-silky Wookies and Ted Turnerized colors — they actually change important aspects of the plot. In the most notable revision, Darth Vader now yells “NOOOO” when he saves Luke at the end of Return of the Jedi, which effectively trades the original contemplative, ambiguous climax for one worthy of a second-rate General Hospital episode.
Other alterations include giving Ewoks the ability to blink, a new digitally-rendered scene where R2-D2 hides behind rocks, and morphing Obi Wan Kenobi’s dragon call into a cartoonish warble that sounds less like a Jedi master and more like Ace Ventura on LSD.
OK, no big deal, you say. The story is virtually the same, right? Luke is still the whiny prodigal son, Princess Leia still wears a gold bikini, and Vader still chokes underlings with his mind. What’s the big deal?
Obviously, anyone who could ask such a silly question has a rational, healthy relationship with childhood fantasies. Loser.
Yet not everyone takes these changes so lightly. 40 years of Star Wars lore has had a profound effect on our culture. Everyone knows who Luke’s father is. It’s a story that spans multiple generations, with thousands of characters embedded in a universe that has it’s own self-made experts and historians. There’s even a group that practices The Force as a religion.
And you know what you DO NOT do to someone who bases their spiritual beliefs (or at least their die-hard fanaticism) on your brand? Pull the rug out from under them by completely changing your origin story. That’s a recipe for backlash at the least, and a full-scale rebellion at the most. Even worse is that Lucas has managed to attract comparisons to the very thing his films have fought against: the all-powerful, ever-controlling and ever-manipulative Empire.
No one wants to think of Lucas as Emperor Palpatine. Besides, that weird double-chin-hiding beard he sports is totally not the Dark Side’s style. So if it’s not for money or power or better facial hair, what pushes him to mess with our myths so mercilessly?
Technology, I say.
It’s a fascination that Lucas has had his entire career. From his first film, the android-centric THX 1138 (which he of course recently updated), through the goofy hysterics of the recent Indiana Jones movie, his fixation on CGI and special effects has permeated his movies. It’s an obsession that perhaps even contributed to the Star Wars concept in the first place: space-people with giant lasers (and mini handheld lasers) fighting it out and blowing up planets.
Seen through this lense — that Lucas is an OCD-addled technological perfectionist, not just plain greedy — it is easier to stomach why he would want to keep changing the films. He’s under the delusion that a canvas, no matter the masterpiece, should be touched up every time a better paint comes along.
Either way, Lucas might want to get some help with his amendment addiction before fans abandon him completely. Because there is another science fiction juggernaut who would be more than happy to have them:
