Oregon lawmakers try to rain on the ‘Independent’ party

If freedom isn’t free, then independence is downright unaffordable. A recently killed bill in Oregon tried to ban the use of “independent” in the names of political parties, arguing that the word confuses voters. Sounds like a sensible enough idea … unless your name is the Independent Party of Oregon.

The IPO, Oregon’s third-largest party and one of the largest minor political parties in the U.S., says the mysteriously unsponsored bill was a “dumb, partisan and unconstitutional” attempt by Democratic and Republican lawmakers to wrench back voters who are tired of major party shenanigans. Yet the idea behind the bill was reportedly to limit the occurrence of voters who see the word independent and instantly sign up, mistakenly thinking they are registering as unaffiliated.

Ha, you laugh. Nobody could be that dumb, right?

Well, I was.

It’s 2001. Meet Jeffery, an angry, disillusioned 18 year-old who finds the idea of registering to vote as alluring as dunking his head in a bucket of acid. Democrat, Republican, Greenitarianican, whatever — to a newly-minted adult who thinks government is, has been and always will be there just to enslave the masses, they’re all the same greedy old white dudes.

But, wait, what’s this shiny word I see … an American Independent Party? That sounds cool. I’m totally independent, and I know what’s right and stuff, and this must be the raddest party full of people who just want to be left alone, like me. Hey man, sign me up.

Okay. So I was an idiot. Or maybe I was just trying to placate the voter registration guy outside the grocery store so he would buy me beer. Most likely though, it was a bit of both — naive enough to believe a name can tell you something significant about a political party, and impatient enough to not even consider I might be signing up with a group whose official platform states that “all governments are under God … whether they like it or not!”

But what I didn’t know is that’s exactly what “independent” is supposed to do. Free of the crusty connotations of Democrat or Republican, the word packs an all-American apple pie punch in just four syllables. That’s practically an obligation for a new political party these days. In a modern landscape where the average constituent’s attention span maxes out at 140 characters, few words sound better than vague, feel-good catchalls like freedom, liberty, independence, etc. I was genuinely disappointed just now to find that nobody has started an Organic American Justice Party.

Of course, there’s nothing inherently misleading about the word itself. Anyone who’s heard a country song knows being independent is what it means to be American, or something. But on a ballot or registration form, the word that once stood for an unaffiliated candidate (a bewitching idea to those dissatisfied with the political process) is instead now being used by a group of 66,000 people, many of whom don’t seem to know what they’ve signed up for — In 2010 the party endorsed both health care reform champion and current Democratic Gov. John Kitzhaber, AND House of Representatives candidate Art Robinson, a far-right conservative who rallies against health care reform, rejects Darwinism, says public education should be abolished and believes small amounts of radiation are beneficial to your health.

In other words, independent may be a fine word on its own, but it makes for a terrible political party name. It says nothing about what its members have in common … other than the fact that they don’t want to be part of a group that has things in common. Besides, a group of independents makes about as much sense as a team of loners, a brotherhood of only children, or a community of hermits.

No one wants to be pigeon-holed in their beliefs. I get that. Especially nowadays when political bickering clogs progress, and either side claims to be speaking for the American people. But like any good name, a party’s name should say what you ARE, not what you aren’t.

Because as the old adage says, if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything … no matter how many beers you buy your supporters.