Wines That Rock: Keith Richards in a bottle
by Jeffery Racheff
We all know how rock ‘n’ roll sounds, but have you ever wondered what it tastes like? If so, raise your glasses to Wines That Rock, a new company that wants to officially merge the two staples of reckless abandon – music and liquor – into one spectacular bottle. Your tongue will never be the same.
Crafted from the partnership between rock band manager RZO and the Mendocino Winery in California, Wines That Rock offers distinct wine varieties inspired by some of the greatest rock musicians of the past century. Available now are The Rolling Stones’ Forty Licks Merlot, Woodstock Chardonnay and Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of the Moon Cabernet Sauvignon, each of which displays iconic album art for their labels. They run about $17 a bottle, or $50 for anyone brave enough to take on a triple dose of groove booze.
But these wines aren’t just left to stew in silence. No, they receive direct inspiration. “Traditionally, you create the wine and then name it based on its personality,” says Wines That Rock co-founder Rob Roy (not the Scottish highlander). “With these wines, we blasted the music in the cellar of the winery and developed a bottle of wine that captured the attitude of the music.” That means these particular grapes rock out to “Brain Damage” or “Sympathy for the Devil” as they ferment, no doubt enjoying their transformation infinitely more than the suckers left to rot in noiselessness.
I can’t help but wonder what would happen if the young wine preferred Led Zeppelin over Pink Floyd, or The Beatles over The Rolling Stones? What if it hated hippies and yet was forced to listen to hundreds of hours of Country Joe and the Fish serenading mud-covered Bohemians? Would that make it agitated and turn sour, like a Star Wars fan who’s forced to watch a Star Trek marathon? Or maybe the lyrics to “Money” really strikes a nerve and sends the alcohol content soaring to 85%. Either way, it’s just as ridiculous to think that a Roger Waters solo can influence a wine as it is to think that a wine might have its own musical taste before it develops a palatal one.
Who really wants to try a drink that’s meant to taste like Keith Richards’ attitude anyway? The winemakers obviously don’t want it to remind you of something that trickled off the back of a 65 year-old Englishman, but I can’t help but picture it. And in that case, “Forty Licks” would conjure flavors of sweat and cigarette butts, with slight notes of whiskey, cocaine and a decade’s worth of heroin. Instead of fish or steak, it would pair well with prostitutes.
Also, wine is not exactly the type of alcohol that conjures dirty, sexy rock music. Kenny G, Bette Midler, The Trans Siberian Orchestra — those are the kinds of musical acts you associate with chardonnay. A band like Pink Floyd should have a maddening drink like absinthe, and The Rolling Stones could have something sleazy and shamefully sexy, like Thunderbird or Mad Dog 20/20. Other bands would have their respective qualities in their own brand of beverage. Janis Joplin’s Gin, Yanni’s Fresh-Squeezed Orange Juice, E-40’s 40s, Pantera Gasoline — the possibilities are endless.
But whatever the drink is, being tied to rock royalty can’t hurt. So while Forty Licks Merlot probably tastes like any other wine, for an adoring fan it is too curious an experiment to pass up.
