Disney and Marvel, sitting in a tree…

by Jeffery Racheff

If you’re anywhere between the ages of 5 and 80, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve been affected by a Disney cartoon or a Marvel comic book character. Most of us were raised by Wolverine’s claws and/or spent our youths obsessed with the Little Mermaid’s efforts to grow legs. So when Disney recently purchased Marvel (for four billion dollars), our fantastic adolescent worlds effectively merged under one seemingly conflicted roof.

Marvel Entertainment has over 5,000 characters, from The Avengers and Human Torch to infinitely stranger, lesser known folk like Asbestos Lady and The Dazzler, a woman endowed with epic roller skating abilities. Combine all of this with almost a century of Disney cartoons and you’ve got a virtual monopoly on the characters that have shaped the minds of most American adults.

So what are we to expect from such a conglomerate of memories, hopes and fantasy? The pessimist says we should prepare ourselves for an incongruous combination of PG kiddie fare and masculine escapist entertainment. You can’t help but envision some weird face-off, or an unbearably tongue-in-cheek, Jets vs Sharks moment where Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger attempt to dance and shiv their way around Thor and gang.

But Disney usually knows not to mess with what works. Marvel fans are probably worried this merger will devalue their favorite heroes. After all, no X-Men follower wants to see Hannah Montana make a cameo in the next Origins movie. But there’s a reason Disney has been successful for almost a century now: they’ve done fairly well keeping out of the way. Just look at Pixar.

Even so, this acquisition has spawned a rash of mash-ups from people who can’t help but imagine what Disney would do with the opportunity. Various websites are posting mock combinations of Goofy as the Punisher, Mickey as Cyclops and Donald Duck as Galactus, the devourer of galaxies. Me, I’m just waiting for X-Men vs. High School Musical. I’d love to see Wolverine and Zac Efron meet at the flag pole after school to work out their differences.