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About Branding

Tried and true brands

While standing in line at my local 7-11 store today, I saw an unexpected gum option: Bazooka Joe. I guess I knew they were still making the stuff, but I hadn’t seen it in years and I couldn’t believe how unchanged it was. The packaging, colors, even the dismally written comics were just where the…

Does this Nutrient Density Index make me look fat?

Any recent trip into Whole Foods Market would have introduced you to the newest in food rating systems: The ANDI (Aggregate Nutrient Density Index) and its meat-minded sibling, the 5-Step Animal Welfare Rating. The basic premise of the ANDI system is this: Nutrients divided by calories = how good it is for you. And while…

Parlez-Vous Facebook? Not anymore

Facebook and France just unfriended each other. The land of liberté has officially banned radio and television broadcasters from mentioning Facebook and Twitter on air, dooming newscasters to henceforth describe the popular social media sites in the most cliched way possible — as “popular social media sites.” So what does France have against les tweets?…

Mozzarella: This is a test

When I was a kid, we used to eat at this great Italian place where our favorite dish was the Four-cheese Pizza. The menu didn’t say which cheeses, and no one asked, we just trusted the good folks of Casa de Pasta to pick the four good ones. Times have changed, and to be sure,…

DirecTV shows you how to be your own scapegoat

So I was watching the NBA Finals at a bar last night because I refuse to pay Comcast for cable. I had a good seat, the Mavs were winning–all was well. That is, until the signal cut out in the middle of the 3rd quarter. What happens as soon as the signal cuts out? A…

Anthropologie’s naming scheme to make you wear paisley and take your money.

Anthropologie is a great store. Nothing makes me want to spend 300 bucks on a tank top like seeing them nestled in the mouth of some giant papier-mâché narwhal suspended from the ceiling by human hair crochet. And usually I end up buying some getup that could really only be worn well while canoeing in…

Top 5 ideas for Disney’s ‘Seal Team 6’ trademark

With only a hand grenade, a prayer, and a single round left in the chamber, lone Navy Seal Lt. Mickey Mouse is outnumbered and outgunned. Yet he is still Osama Bin Laden’s worst nightmare. Hey, it could happen. The Walt Disney Co. has applied for a trademark on Seal Team 6, the name of the…

Zyrtec, Allegra and Benadryl: the bizarre world of allergy med names

Allergieth thuck. Itchy eyeth, runny nothe, non-thtop thneething — they’re your bodieth way of gibbing you the finger while cocooning itthelf from the world. Unfortunately, there is no cure for allergies. But if you want to at least keep those springtime sniffles at bay, you have two realistic options: move to Antarctica, or drug it…

Manhattan Bagels: full of steam

Manhattan Bagels has more than 65 locations nation wide- the one place they’re not welcome? Manhattan. And that’s because New Yorkers can smell their own. Manhattan Bagels is from Jersey, which, despite its proximity is about as far from Empire living as you can get. And you know what that means, their co-companies Noah’s and…

Oscar, Tony, Emmy and Razzie: the origins of award names

People love to congratulate each other. Whether it’s for eating lots of hot dogs, writing a catchy song or being able to play make-believe for millions of dollars, awards are our way of saying you’ve done something better than anyone else. Like height, eye color or the preference of boxers over briefs, the desire to…

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