“Captain America Who?” the shielded one gets a name change in Russia

Captain America? More like Captain Planet.

The comic book golden boy, the tireless defender of freedom and patriotism and cool fighting skills, can bring down the Third Reich with a twitch of his shield. Yet somehow he’s no match for an international marketing blitz. Apparently some of the Cap’s international audiences have forced him to go into hiding as… The First Avenger.

Marvel Studios has announced that the superhero’s upcoming summer blockbuster, Captain America: The First Avenger, will be known by its full title to all movie-goers except those in Russia, South Korea and The Ukraine. There it will be called merely The First Avenger.

Wait a second, you say. Didn’t we win the Cold War? Shouldn’t we have the right to rub Russia’s nose in red, white and blue for the rest of eternity? Actually, this has nothing to do with politics, says Marvel. Captain America isn’t as recognizable to people in these countries, so the change has to do with international marketing and brand awareness.

Still, for director Joe Johnston, the new name reflects the character’s change over the years: “He wants to serve his country, but he’s not this sort of jingoistic American flag-waver,” Johnston said. “The idea that this is not about America so much as it is about the spirit of doing the right thing. It’s an international cast and an international story. It’s about what makes America great and what make the rest of the world great too.”

In other comic book news, Spider-Man has decided to change his name to Animal Kingdom Man, and the Green Lantern will now like to be called Rainbow Man, because his story is not about just one color — he represents the collective awesomeness of the entire spectrum.

I think if Captain America wants to be welcomed as a hero wherever he goes, he has to stop worrying about identifying with what the entire world loves, and instead identify with what we all hate. Nazis. They’re the only villains left that Hollywood can kill indiscriminately, over and over again, without upsetting anyone [See: Inglorious Basterds]. The Captain started his career doing it, and the whole world (i.e. Indiana Jones and fans of first-person shooters) still love to destroy the SS. Plus, Captain Nazi-Killer has a nice ring to it.

Honestly though, it’s a pretty silly debate. Captain America is, for obvious reasons, a very U.S.-centric character, and I’m guessing he’s never been terribly popular anywhere else. So unless you live in The Ukraine and take your foreign comics very, very seriously, this shouldn’t matter much. Besides, the guy’s name is still Captain America (which literally means “America is number one”) and more importantly, he still has a magic, indestructible shield with the Stars and Stripes on it.

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before this story is used as an example of the ongoing assault on American patriotism. But at least the film’s producers didn’t take it further. As one commentator points out, The First Avenger is a whole lot better than Comrade Russia: The First Laborer.